Derby’s longest established family-owned funeral directors is offering help, advice and a listening ear to people who are coping with grief at Christmas.
Fay Bloor, bereavement support coordinator and trained counsellor at Wathall’s, runs one-to-one counselling sessions in Derby and organises free bereavement support meetings every month.
She regularly talks about ‘Christmas Dread’ and says people need to be kind to themselves in December.
Fay explained: “Whether it is your first Christmas since you lost a loved one, or you lost someone many years ago, Christmas can be a particularly painful time.
“If you are grieving this Christmas, you may feel an enormous amount of sadness and want to hibernate for the whole of the festive season.
“It may feel like you should be celebrating this special time of the year but the thought of counting down to Christmas is really daunting.
“What I’d like to say is that it is important to look after yourself this month and understand that how you are feeling following the loss of a loved one is completely normal.”
Award-winning Dandelions Bereavement Support, a unique service provided by Wathall’s, has been tackling issues such as spending Christmas alone after the death of a loved one. The group also looks at ways to level out your grief during the festive period when everyone close to you is enjoying traditions and socialising with friends and family.
Fay said: “I have spoken to many people who have been grieving at Christmas, and they often found themselves alone with their thoughts and memories.
“When they did find the courage to attend a social event, there was sometimes an empty chair at the table, and this was incredibly difficult.”
Fay has created four tips to help you get through a difficult day full of grief triggers and bittersweet memories:
- Communicate Your Needs – Tell family how you are feeling and take the guesswork out of the situation. Do what is right for you and work out the best ways to cope throughout the season.
- Make Flexible Plans – It is hard to know how you might feel on Christmas Day so flexible planning will take the pressure off. Sometimes the run-up to December 25 is worse than the day itself!
- Acknowledge Your Grief – Continue the bond with your lost loved one. Light a candle in their memory and talk about them as this can help with feelings of guilt for still being here when they are not.
- Ask For Support – Talk to someone about how you are feeling because this can help to release some of those difficult emotions and help the day feel less overwhelming.
Fay said: “At our Dandelions Bereavement Support groups, we talk about how we are feeling and offer people ongoing support with their grief journey.
“In the beginning, these groups were set up by Helen Wathall MBE, our Managing Director, but now I run them Sarah Legg, who is another counsellor in the area and Charlotte Wathall, sixth generation at Wathall’s, also supports one of the groups.
“Together we work with families who need supporting through their grief journey and the group has gone from strength to strength.”
Dandelions Bereavement Support Groups offer four free meetings a month, five grief support programmes a year and Fay & Sarah offer one-to-one counselling sessions, which can be arranged at our Allestree office or online.
The groups are open to all, regardless of how long ago the person passed and whether or not Wathall’s arranged their loved one’s funeral.
Helen Wathall MBE, Managing Director, said: “If you are struggling with grief this year try and be kind to yourself. When someone you love dies, everything changes forever and things are thrown up into the air.
“You might not feel like celebrating at Christmas and that is totally understandable. At Wathall’s, we completely understand and we like to think that our counselling sessions and our support groups truly help people.”
The Dandelions Bereavement Support groups are open to anyone who has experienced a bereavement – whether recently or several years ago. The sessions give people the chance to meet like-minded people and receive support from Fay and Sarah.
This is when they run:
Ashbourne Dandelions – Meet on the first Wednesday of the month, from 1.30pm-3pm at the Century Hall, Station Road in Ashbourne.
Derby Dandelions – Meet on the second and last Tuesday of each month from 1.30-3.30pm at St Peter’s Church in St Peter’s Street in Derby. Please note there is no meeting on December 30.
Evening Dandelions, Derby – Meet on the first Tuesday of each month from 6-8pm at Derby Rugby Club, Haslam’s Lane, Derby.
For more information on the bereavement support services available at Wathall’s, contact Fay via email at fay.bloor@wathalls.co.uk